Well... Scratch a hurricane... Find a gas shortage? In one short day... the price of gas shot up a couple of $$... It was $3.50 yesterday morning... But as of last night it was $4.50 at the cheapest... and in some places around town I heard rumors of being near $7... What I find amazing... is that people flocked to the pumps... Kinda sending the wrong message people... Before you panic, stop to think... This is only a reaction to the hurricane... The shipping routes will be disrupted by the hurricane... that is all... Just wait it out and buy just what is needed... By flocking to the pumps.... you are telling the Corporate giants... that you are willing to pay big bucks to fill up your vehicle... Cool yourselves and approach this situation reasonably... Buy only what is needed... When supplies are restored, prices will return to normal...

Price goes on supply and demand... When you have little supply... and a High demand... The price will rise... If the Supply is higher than the demand... then the prices will fall... By us buying gas at this increased price... it will encourage the Oil companies to reduce the supply... Because they know we will pay whatever they charge... Well... I suppose a plus could come out of the increased prices... I mean if they stay... It will encourage the populace to support alternative energy sources a bit more... Which will, in turn.... Bring about an increase of politicians who support alternative energy sources... or rather... say they do... Because we all know... politicians "support" whatever the majority seems to be supporting... And we all know the reason of this... Votes...

Well... Thats it for today... Gotta get clean for work... lol... See ya later...

I admit... when it comes to physical relationships... 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base... Home Run... Maybe it is because I don't have an intrest in sports... I don't know... but if home run is sex... then I made it to third base the other day... For the first time I might add. And in my short time with Michael... I have learned that I'm apparently very ticklish... and he is the only one who can tickle me... Being pinned and tickled... Is pure torture... but arousing... I like it... It could be the fact that I am pinned... with no way to escape... Or it could be that I just like being teased... It could also be a combination of both... (To Be Continued... Don't feel like writing more :P)

Have you ever been surrouded by people who love you but felt so utterly alone... even though you know you may have someone who will accept you for who you are?

I am feeling that right now...

I have met someone who seems like he will accept me for what and who I am with understanding...
Its just...
I don't feel much for him...
His kiss...
Feels empty...
Feels forced...
Just like me...

Always empty... I feel so little...
My actions seem forced...
My happines faked...
I hurt...

I thought I was over you...
I thought I was ready...
to try again...
To test the waters of love...
To find someone who will...
Love me for me...
Who'll...
Never...
Forsake me...

I try to forget you...
I try to leave you behind...
Nothing works...
When I think I'm ri of you...
I hear your voice echo...
Through the emptiness that reamins..
The emptiness you once filled...

I don't know what to do... I want to cry... I want to scream...

Michael... I want to reveal myself to you... Not my body... But my mind and soul... I wan't to show you who I am... on the inside... But... I can't just yet...

Well, I decided to make a long due post... If one can consider a week, long... But anyway... I decided to make a post while my drink lasts and the skillet I have in the sink soaks...

Last Saturday I got to spend some time with Michael. We watched Queen of the Damned... although I don't actually remember most of it... the movie I mean... We cuddled and he rubbed my neck and head... something that I cannot resist... He also found a few of my ticklish spots... He is a really sweet guy and I hope that one day I can reveal all of my secrets to him... All of the things I hide from others... things I fear... If known will make others flee...

You know... I find it amazing that Michael wants to honor my wishes of refraining from sex... until we learn more about one another... ^_^

About the cuddling... He seemed to know where my buttons were... and not to my jeans either... I mean he knew just what to do to tease me and excite me... Not many people can... I hope one day I can open myself fully to him...

Other than that... Nothing really worth noting has happened... I still have a job... I am still gay... I still have the same amount of friends... +1...

K GUSP UCNA NM ZKWZF. K QNW'A TUWA AN FOUXP JNB UTUJ FN K QNW'A FUJ UWJAGKWD. LJ LUKW ZKWZF UXP VNWQUDP UWQ QKUHPX HCUJ.

Anyways I have finished my soda and I think my skillet is done soaking... Till next time...

... You know who you are...

I had so much I wanted to tell you...
... Many secrets that have never touched the light...
You were my first love... My first kiss...
Every day my heart ached just to hear your voice...
But yet I never called...
I never called because I was afraid...
afraid that you didn't feel for me as I felt for you...
and feel for you I did greatly... I really loved you...
and I cannot say that I love you any less now...
I cannot help but to feel as if I am at fault...
At fault for what happened...
I feel as though I failed you...
as though I wasn't there for you when you needed me to be...
I feel like I should have pushed you to open up to me...
TO share with me all that hurts you...
all that you hide away...
I wanted to help you...
In the ways that only a lover can...
I am sorry...
In the time that we were together...
We weren't together often...
If I could do it all over...
I would do so many things different...
But...
What is done is done...
and time can't move in reverse...
I want you to be happy...
I want you to love...
It hurts me greatly...
That it cannot be with me...

I accept things as they are...
and I know... Things are as they should...
I want to thank you...
For teaching me to love...
for helping me to blossom...

... I really did love you... I really did... I'm sorry I was never there for you... I can only blame myself for what has happened... I'm writing this not because I want you back... but because I need to express how I feel... I need to get these feelings out... I want you to know I don't feel any anger toward you... I only feel hurt... I was planning on moving in with you... I was really looking forward to it... to the time we were going to spend together... Its just... I'm not a very trusting person... and because of what happened between us once before it took a while before I felt I could trust you again... and your eyes... I could tell you were hiding your feelings... about something... You was hiding yourself from me... or so it "felt" if you understand what I mean...But slowly I did finally come to trust you... and I fell for you ... I wanted to tell you all the things I have never spoken to a soul... I wanted you to know my most hidden secrets... I wanted to live with you... and I would have done anything for you... I was completly under your power... There are time I think of you and I want to cry... and I really wish I could... but tears never find my eyes...

I've been feeling kinda bummed out lately... I get this way from time to time... I can be feeling just fine... all happy and carefree... Then one little thing will ruin my day... I wish I could cry...

Clouds of darkness billow up around me...
Blurring my vision...
Numbing my mind...

It comes from eveywhere...
It's source is unknown...

I long for your touch...
The sound of your voice...
For only you can chase it away...

Save me please...

I just needed to vent a little...

OMG it has been forever. I have nothing of much importance to say.


Where to begin...

Well... Matt's birthday is Wednesday... No, not the Matt mentioned in my previous post, but rather... the one and only Matt Browning <3 I bought him his favorite cologne two weeks ago... shhh... Don't tell him :P. On the subject of the lovely Matt, he recently opened up to me in a way that I had been hoping for for a while. He spilled his heart to me over YIM. >.> Yeah I know... What can I say, my phone had been destroyed the week prior. I knew that there was more to him than he let on... I could see a depth to his soul by looking into the emeralds he calls his eyes. Until this moment... I didn't realize how I really felt for him... He always manages to make me smile... He makes me feel warm inside... Which is something I have never felt before... He is so special to me... I had planned on texting him every day since the Wednesday before last... With something about him that I liked... I failed... I got sick last Sunday about this time, actually... Due to the virus, I couldn't continue texting him. I wish I could have. Tomorrow I'll make up for it by posting all the reasons here, for the world to see... If you haven;t figured it out by now... I'm gay and Matt Browning is my B/F... I can't wait till Wednesday... I plan to spend all day with him... ^^

In the world of work...

Well, my barista days may be numbered... I have applied for a job for a front desk position at a nearby hotel. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my job, but my boss has cut my hours and is horrible about paying me on time. I cannot pay my bills in a timely manner because of this. My friend, Nari, told me about the job. I really hope I get the job... Stuart, the guy I talked to... and I suppose he is in-charge of hiring... is really cheery and nice. I like him... and OMG he has lovely eyes... (I'm an eye person... window to the soul... you catch the drift) I also talked to the owner... He gives off this happy-go-lucky, but yet conservative kinda vibe... I don't think he liked my brown curly locks... Won't be hard to pull my hair back though... It seems like a nice atmosphere... Someplace where I will thrive... YAY <3

Home life... WOOO!!! >.>

What can I say... It sucks, although I suppose it could be worse. I know that something is stressing out my mum. Whatever it may be... It is causing her to be kinda witchy... I love her, but she just isn't her self... I'm not gonna go into details, but it has made me wanna move out...

I'm gonna go do some gaming... Pass the time... Kill some stress...

Maybe I can begin to post more often...

Alright... I'll start off saying that I know some rather strange people... That said... I thought my evening at work was going to be calm and quiet... I could not be any further from the truth... I was nearing the cafe where I work and decided to check my phone because I had left it in the car earlier... Well, I saw that Cody had called a few times... It was around 3:18... Cody is this Emo Queer I know... Anyways, I call him back... We talked for a few minutes... I had to cut the convo short because I was at work... He asked me to call him when Donna, my boss, leaves... She leaves, I text him, he comes to the cafe... We watch an ep of "The Golden Girls"... Nari arrives around 4:30 after "The Golden Girls"... She brings Matt, another gay guy... and some straight guy whose name escapes me... Well, Nari introduced Matt to me a couple of days ago... He's cute... But he creeps me out a little... Yesterday he stayed at the cafe from 4-8... We talked... If I understand correctly... He is a Nympho and a pyro... I don't want to sound mean... But... Anyways... Back to the story... Matt and Cody meet... Matt is usually quiet around ppl... or so it seems... A lil time passes... Sombody finds a rubber ball... and Cody goes crazy over the ball... Him and Nari fight over it... Never a dull moment... Time passes and Nari pulls out Monopoly... She had it in her car... WTF... Who in hell carries Monopoly around in their car... Well... As soon as Nari gets the game set-up... Shannon comes in... She works for the shopper and brought us a paper... Nari gets a call... Something about needing to pick-up a couple of her friends... so she leaves... Shannon takes Cody and Matt with her to deliver some more papers... I release a welcome sigh or relief when they leave... An hour passes Cody, Shannon, and Matt return... About 30 more mins later Nari comes back in... WITH TWO MORE PPL... By now it is 6... the store closes at 7... I haven't had a chance to get much cleaning done... But I let them play Monopoly... Nari tried to get me to play... >_>... Anyways... The game starts... They get me to take pics with my phone... of them... They play for a while... I'm sweeping the floor at the time... anyway... Something happens between Cody and Matt... What I'm not so sure... but here is what I hear...

"Fuck you!" Yells Cody, in a rather sarcastic tone.
Matt looks at Cody and without any emotion replies "O.K."
Cody pauses for a moment as if trying to figure out if Matt is being serious. After a few seconds of silence, Cody points behind him and says, "Theres the bathroom."
At this I stop sweeping to see what is going on when Matt cooks off another emotionless "O.K."
Well, at this point I think they are only kidding and wanting to make a scene.
"Alright." Follows Cody while hesitantly standing along with Matt.
The two of them walk to the bathroom. At the time, I'm still unsure as to what is going on. Everybody else is throwing a fit. Laughing and such. The bathroom door was kept open. Shannon seeing an opportunity to draw attention to herself runs and closes the door, yelling at them to, "Keep it behind closed doors..." About 30 seconds pass and the two are still in the bathroom. Shannon runs to the door trying to peek in. She cracks the door and sees Cody with his pants down and Matt on his knees. Cody yells for her to go away. Now, everyone is flipping out. She closes the door. Her face was flushed. Shortly they come out of the bathroom. I ask why was it so short and Cody promptly replies that he couldn't concentrate with everyone yelling and such.

Alright... Is anyone else disturbed by this? The two had only just met and already they were going to engage in oral sex in the restroom... and not just any restroom... IT IS THE RESTROOM AT MY PLACE OF BLOODY EMPLOYMENT... Have they no respect?

Well, Nari is probably the most disturbed by this... She ended the game... cleaned it up and basically took off... everyone kinda dispersed after that... I was happy... I don't like large groups of people...


Well... that's all folks...
*edit*
... The picture messed with the formating of my page so I just have the link now... It is a link to the pic that I took of my friends playing Monopoly at the Cafe...
http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g99/star_firefox1988/Pix.jpg

Your Gemstone is Amethyst

Dignified, impressive, and wise. You have a deeply spiritual soul

----------------------

Innocent Uke
Take Are you a Seme or an Uke? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.</p>

You know, I saw you in a dream... The sun was setting in the west and a crescent moon was rising in the east. King Midas had reached up and touched the sky... or so it seemed with the golden hues lining the lavender and crimson clouds... The sky was a masterpiece upon an old canvas... Beautiful and perfect it was... We were walking along the edge of a pond... The tall grasses tickling our legs... I could hear the cicada's metallic buzz in the whispering pines... Crickets chirping somewhere unseen in the grass... I watched as the light breeze played with the grass and the cat's tails that grew along side the water... We were side by side... In silent attraction... Each longing for the other... I heard a splash... I looked up I saw a fish jumping out of the water... glowing red in the setting sun... Water cascaded from the fish, like golden droplets of liquid gold... After the fish had returned to the depths of the pond, I turned to you... Wanting to kiss you, to love you... I couldn't see your face... It was hidden in shadow... I grabbed your left hand and held it to my face... You then wrapped your other around me and we danced to the tune of nature exchanging kisses until the sun had fully set, and the first stars appeared...

Last week didn't go well... Two rather bad things happened... First Princess... My puppy... she was like 5 or 6 months old... Died... She was ran over by a vehicle... Her mother, Little Bit seemed upset... she was shaking... It was horrible... We buried her in the back yard... Also Wednesday My Great-uncle James went to the hospital. The Cancer had made a sudden comeback... It had spread... As a result he past away Sunday... I attended his funeral today...


On another Note...

You are the one I desire... I know not your face nor your name... But I know you exist somewhere in this vast world... I am waiting for you and you for me... I desire your warm embrace... Your healing smile... Your loving gaze... I want nothing more than to be lost in your arms and to know the taste of your lips... You will protect me... you will love me... And I'll love you...

Well... I'm off... I keep saying that I'll update more often... but I never do... Oh well

I'm a little bored and sleepless... Nari continues to question me on the topic of us moving... I would love to move... However, I cannot simply drop things and move... And of course... I have to overthink it... I want to go to college... In Ga I have a scholarship... Even though I don't have many bills to pay I barely have enough to pay them... I don't want to take out student loans... I can also think of more reasons aswell... I wish I could simply do things on the fly like she can... I suppose I could be afraid of change... *sighs* ... Oh well... As I think about it... I realize another problem... I have so many issues I need to resolve before I can move on from this place... It I were to leave before resolving these issues... I'd be running away from my problems... One can only from their problems for so long... Eventually they'll find you... I need to quit putting off facing these problems... Gurr... And Nari... plz don't ask if you can help... Although you may know most of what I'm talking about... A few more elude your grasp... and I'm not quite ready to open up fully... blah... I needed to say that... I have more I want to say but eh I need to sleep... YAYZ I can sleep now...

>_> GAAH! I need to find my World Flutes CD...

I will admit one thing knowing that it may not be seen... However, a journey of 1000 miles begins with just 1 step... I need to leave the closet completely rather than just cowering in the doorway...

Well for the most part I'm sitting in my room on the computer and Adult Swim playing in the background... I was playin FurryMUCK but I got bored... Nothing much to do at the moment other than blog... so I'll just blog about my day... oh and I want to hug someone right now... (random)

---

On my way to work I noticed the local Burger King sign... It seems that our local BK now has WIFI... and their new slogan is Cyber Your Way... I was all WTF... It was soo funny... I'll post a pic tomorrow... of all dy I forget to take my camera with me...
My work day started out as usual... With Donna glaring at me coldly... Donna is my boss... She scares me... She rarely... If ever... has anything nice to say... She left shortly after I arrived... It was pretty slow so, by 5:00 I had everything cleaned... Nari, a friend of mine, stopped by around 5:30... at about 5:45 ppl started showing up at the cafe... We close at 6... I was upset... But I never said anything... But... My Poor Clean Dishes... lol... I was tired after that whole thing was over... (The last person left at 6:30) As I was leaving I noticed that water was puddling on the floor in the kitchen... It seemed to be flowing out of the closet... Its source seemed to be AC because the Restroom was flooded too... (the ac is between the closet and the restroom. My only thought was OH GOD... I just grabbed the trash and walked out... If I had called Donna I would have gotten fussed at... So I simply walked out... lol... I don't work tomorrow so... :P

---

On another note... "Shhh! There's a gay Mafia" -Robin Williams

---

It seems as though I'm beginning to let go even more... At least certain aspects of my inner-self... I don't wish to go into detail but just to let you know... I usually try to restrain myself and not really be me when it comes to certain aspects of my personality... It is like I don't want to admit certain things... Like what I want or what I like... lol...(hint: think kinky)

---

Well... I am all talked out for now...

The world is an ever changing place. Concepts, ideas, and ways of thinking come and go. Civilizations are built up and last for thousands of years and then vanish suddenly either by internal collapse or by conquest. History has copied itself many times over in this respect. The Mayans, Aztecs, Phonecians, Greeks, Romans, Egyptians, and many more have followed this pattern. I believe America will oneday follow down the same path. America is a haulty nation. America is too prideful. We as a nation lack the humility and compassion it takes to endure.

Man's lust for power ensures that one civilzation will not last indefinatly. As a group of people gain power, another group becomes jealous. Jealousy leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. Anger leads to conflict. Conflict leads to a shift in power and the cycle begins again. This is unavoidable. It will continue untill mankind has evolved socially to the point where inspite of the differences we can coexist peacefully. I have no clue as to when or how this'll come into being but, I know the keys are love, compassion, and humility.

I once saw a philosphical movie that seemed to match many of my beliefs. I highy reccommend it. It's title is "The Celestine Prophecy." A series of books exist that go into more detail.

N-E-Ways... about to go back to my friends... Feel free to comment... Ask questions if you like... I just got hit by this and had to write it somewhere... I ramble.... Have a good night....

Darkness swallows an isolated island
The ocean erodes it's shores
Lightning starts a fire in the sparse forest
Wind fuels the fire
Scarred and black as coal
the island sinks into the sea...

-----------------------------------------

An empty meadow
Devoid of life
A twilight sky shows crimson
like blood spilled on the ground...

-----------------------------------------

A small boy sits stranded upon a rock
Dark hair blowing in the wind
sores are upon his wrist
bruises upon his neck

----------------------------------------

These are simply images that were pressing in my mind ... I have more... but they are fractured and run together... I knew that if I didn't get these images out in someway they'd haunt me till they were written in some form somewhere... Make what you will of them...

ANYWAYS onto something else...

Today at work Donna stayed there ALL NIGHT... This wouldn't have been all that bad BUT she had some childeren there... I have yet to figure out if they are her grandchilderen or not... Ther call her Donna so I don' think so... but then why is she so attached to them? I never ask... She'd glare at me if I did... anywho... I would have been outta there 30 mins earlier but kids are messy and she had about 3 adult friends in there aswell... I couldn't do a flippin thing... It would be one thing if they were talking about something important... but they weren't... Oh well... xD... I was just ready to get home...

I'm still single... Why can't I find anyone to love... :P

Well night peeps... Someone remind me to renew my paid LJ subscription before June... lolz... I will probably forget... xD

I am concerned about a friend's well being... He is hurting more than he tells... Him and his b/f broke up after a small fight. He has become cold since then... I don't know what to do... but this does feel eerily familar... I know from where but I won't devuldge how... I fear something may happen... I want to help him... but because he won't open up I can't... I want him to know I care... That I'll always be there for him and support him in any way he needs... I love all my friends and care deeply for them...

I know his hurt comes from more than just this one instance... It feels deeper... something has wounded him deeply in his past... and this breakup only brought to surface unresolved feelings... Feelings from a trauma in his past that was too great for his fragile heart to bear alone... Now, I feel that since those feelings have reemerged he has tried to build up a wall within himslef to hide those feelings along with all others... These walls can only hold up for so long... I only hope I am near when those walls crumble... so I can help him pick up the pieces and prevent him from becoming another teen statistic... I wish I could get through to him and prevent him from "crashing"... but if things continue unchanged... It will ultimately lead to him breaking... Just hope I can help him....

Well... I write this to voice my concern knowing that none will read it... But if any does please leave a comment and tell me what you think...

Hello Peeps... Today was a fair day... Played Lord of The Rings Online this morn before I went to work at 1:30 I think... lol... Everything was fine at work until... IT happened... My clumsy nature got the best of me once more... Two ladies came in and ordered a cold brew coffee... which was already made in the fridge... as I was pouring it... The lid... well it kinda fell off and coffee went everywhere... Hence the title for this entry... I sometimes marvel at my uber clumsiness... Both the two ladies and I laughed heartily at my stupidity...
I SMELL LIKE COFFEE!!! OMG lol... at least my hands do... I'm happy that none spilled om me other than my hands and shoes :P...


Well gotta go...

Bored

Well here I am once again... BORED... Just chilling in the college library at SGC... I was too late gettin to class this morning... gurr... So I grabbed a bite to eat from McD's... Tryin to pass the time till around 10:45...
i have a secret... i'm gay

I made a button! W00T lol... Go ahead click it you know you want to...
Well... I'm about to leave... YAY I am going home... lol... Well.. C-ya!

Lol... been on for over an hour time kinda flew...